Aussie airline humor unplugged

By admin in Just For Fun on January 29th, 2007

quantas.jpg

Australians are not just known for their straightforwardness but also for the humor that is trademark of their cocky and straightforward personalities. So here is a funny anecdote related to the Australian national carrier – Quantas. Its an airline that takes pride a plenty in its unblemished history of never having an accident.

One of the reason for such an impeccable record is the practice of filling what is known in Quantas-lore as a ‘problem sheet’ this is to convey any problem encountered during the flight and which the pilot wants rectified before the plane takes to the skies again. The technicians fill the lower part of the form regarding any corresponding action taken and to be reviewed by the captain before take off.

So here are some ‘real-life’ and ‘unedited quips’ from the complaints and responses founds in the problem sheets filled by the captains and technicians of Quantas.

Key:

P: Problem logged in by the captain.
S: Solution provided by the technicians.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level ..

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

So howz that for some straight forward Aussie humor!!!

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11 Comments

  1. I’ve seen this attributed to the RAF, the USAF as well as various air carriers, still funny as hell tho.

  2. maddogmorgan
    02/13/2007 at 5:16 am

    Q>A>N>T>A>S….Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services

  3. Just like you megahurts, i have seen this everywhere, USAF, RAF, Delta Airlines,…. Maybe they all have the same sense of humor, or maybe this site does not have any original material.

  4. The entire example provided above been circulating online for many years as reported by American workers on American soil – now all the sudden it’s being used against Australians…. What’s next? Nigeria?

  5. Immediate giveaway that this is NOT Australian in origin – we don’t call it a ‘windshield’, it’s a windscreen.

  6. this isnt just for QUANTAS. its a universal list for all airlines

  7. It is Qantas!!!! There is no U in the word. Your careless misspelling ruined the whole thing.

  8. Jessie Walker
    03/11/2008 at 9:29 pm

    This is so funny-I hate most generic emails-tedious and Dull-too long. I emailed this to all my friends-I know several pilots in DFW area from Birds-they are frequently in trouble and need a good laugh-only wish the profession i work in could get over their cheap selves and come up with something this funny . God Bless

  9. Thanks for this. You was help me. Article who your writen was so important for me. Thanks again :) I am reading all articles in happily

  10. Thanks to the article, well thought out. I searched for a while to find the right answer to my questions!

  11. thank you very good and very nice post :) )))

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